Good evening. I, still your only guest blogger, have returned. I know I have courted a reputation as something of a joker in my previous blogs, but tonight I address a subject that is no joking matter. This is a subject that must be taken seriously. A subject of utmost and gravest importance. What is this subject you ask? The elections in November? The Middle East Peace Process? The double-dip recession? Android vs. iPhone?
The answer is none of the above. The answer is...burgers.
If you were surprised at that answer, you are either woefully uninitiated (and, if you are over the age of 18 months, have been for far too long), or you simply have taste buds that hate you. Or you are one of those people that doesn't eat beef. While this is an unfortunate preference, I have to say it is an understandable one. Chels and I try to keep our "red meat" intake to a minimum, not because we don't like it (oh, we like it...), but simply because it is so bad for you. Contrary to popular opinion and generally accepted logic and/or reasoning, this only means that when one decides to indulge in a burger on a rarer basis, one should go all out. All out. Sometimes that includes the fried egg on top. Well, if you're looking for a month's worth of sodium in one shot. We'll be skipping the egg this time, but I highly recommend it as an item for your bucket list.
Again, before we begin this journey to burgertopia, bear in mind the overarching philosophy in play here: if you don't have them all the time, you can afford to do it right. So do it right.
We begin with the core ingredients, of course. Beef, melted butter, your grilling seasoning of choice, and...ice water. Yes, ice water. In my 5+ year journey to discover the ultimate burger grilling methodology, I finally hit on it in a publication sold under the name of The Barbecue Bible. And, despite its mildly sacrilegious nomenclature, it is a blessed book.
In this case, I was grilling for five, one of whom was a small person (our six year old, Gracie), so I used a little over two pounds of 80/20 beef. The 80/20 is really the way to go - if you want moist, juicy burgers, something has to be able to burn off while you're grilling that won't leave the patties totally dry. It might as well be fat! You want to form the patties with nothing more than salt and pepper, keep them thick, and make them approximately the same width as whatever buns you plan to use. In the bun department, don't get skimpy. When you're shopping for buns, get something nice. Cracked wheat, sesame seed, something tasty and big. Cheap buns taste cheap, unfortunately, and remember, you're doing it right!
This is where the ice water comes in to play. While you are preheating the grill to medium heat (remember to spray some grilling spray on there first!), fill a large bowl with cold water and 12-24 ice cubes, depending on the number of incredibly fortunate burger connoisseurs attending. When the grill is ready, place each patty, one at a time, into the ice water, completely submerged, for 30 seconds. As you remove them from the ice water, place them directly onto the grill. The ice water will preserve the tenderness and juiciness of the meat during the grilling process. As soon as the burgers hit the grill, use your basting brush (hopefully you have a ridiculously massive one like I do - it's wonderful to actually have a meal I can make without burning myself!) to brush on generous amounts of melted butter. The butter brings out a sweet flavor in the meat after grilling, and is a must-have! Once you've had them this way, it'll be hard to ever eat burgers that haven't been treated in this fashion! You'll want to brush on the butter again when you flip the patties.
Now, what other essentials grace our preparation area? Green leaf lettuce, tomatoes on the vine, a big, beautiful block of sharp Tillamook cheddar cheese, and, the crown of any serious burger, thick-sliced pepper bacon. Remember, once in a while...
Most barbecues today have a stove-top on the side, which is a fantastic way to handle the bacon situation. It's great to be able to keep tabs on the bacon and the burgers at the same time, so if you have this capability, I highly recommend utilizing it. After all, for us, we live in Oregon. I mean, it rains like 435 days a year, and, really, who wants to stand out in the cold and the wet and, I don't know, cook scrambled eggs or something? Use it or lose it! Well, it'll probably stay there whether you use it or not, but, hey, overused colloquialisms have got to be good for something.
Now that the cooking has fully commenced, and you are approaching your burgers with the fear and trembling they deserve, it is important to make a couple of points about when to STOP cooking your hallowed meat! Take the burgers to the point where they are nice and gray/brown with black stripes across them, but not quite to the point where they have completely lost the red hint of the meat. There should be a bit of color left, as you can see below. With the bacon, just get it to the point where it's cooked through, but don't allow it to begin to darken. Burgers and all of their ingredients, with the notable exception of the crisp, wonderful green leaf lettuce, should be soft and juicy, and the bacon is no exception!
Naturally, add your seasoning as you go along. The bacon is already peppered, so it's good, but you'll want to sprinkle seasoning generously on the burgers each time you flip them, starting with when you initially place them on the grill (direct from their icy detour). When the burgers have reached that point where they are about ready to exit the flame-broiling wonderfulness that is the barbecue, go and fetch your sliced cheese and the buns! The cheese, naturally, goes on the burgers while they are still on the grill - it must be melted on the meat! The buns should go on a top rack for maybe 30 seconds or so - just long enough to warm them up.
A quick note before we move on to the finished product! Burgers are all about customization! Want to use Swiss cheese? Mozzarella? Pepper Jack?!! What about sauces? Barbecue? A-1? Straight-up classic Americana with Heinz ketchup? Or, maybe something a little more out there...honey barbecue chipotle anyone?!! Throw in a hothouse tomato to make it extra juicy? Pickles? Why not? An egg? An egg?!! The point is, figure out the meat, and customize and experiment to your heart's content - just don't go too far! Remember, this is an all-out experience you won't do every week, and you don't want to ruin it - just spice it up!
That being said, it's time to put it together and top it off. Get some mayonnaise on those buns, the sauce of choice, burger covered in melted cheese, bacon, tomato, and lettuce. In this case, Chels made homemade fries, which were (and always are) incredibly tasty. Perhaps if you ask very, very nicely, she'll blog them!
Or perhaps she already has. This is like the 85th post, and I'm starting to lose track! Either way, they are amazing, and a perfect compliment to the ultimate burger experience at home.
Now, if you can actually finish one of these, you're doing great. You may want to consider fasting prior to indulging. As you can see, after all of the typical adjectives like juicy, delectable, indulgent, and massive are exhausted, one word comes to mind...tall. They are indeed quite tall, but, hey, squishing them just doesn't seem like the most brilliant idea. I say, get a bigger mouth!
All in all, that's the ballgame. It may take a time or two to get it right, as a lot of the grilling is touch and go, but you won't regret making the effort, and your dinner guests will be forever in your debt. You've heard the stories about certain cultures where when someone saves your life you become their servant forever? Yeah, it's kind of like that. So, maybe be careful who you invite over (you know, decide if you really want them around forever...).
Take it seriously...and enjoy!
The Bacon-Cheese Burger
1-2 lbs ground beef 80/20 (depending on how many ppl you are cooking for)
3-4 TB melted butter, unsalted
12-24 ice cubes and cold water in a bowl
6-9 slices of thick peppered bacon
green leaf lettuce leave
4-6 slices of tomatoes
4-6 slices of sharp cheddar cheese
whole grain hamburger buns
1-2 tsp grill seasoning
salt and pepper
Form your hamburger patties and lightly season with salt and pepper. Set aside the beef and pre-heat your grill to medium-high heat, spraying with grilling spray to prevent sticking.
When the grill and patties are ready, submerge your patties into the ice cold water bowl for approx. 30 secs. and place directly on the grill and begin brushing the melted butter on top of the beef patties, liberally; making sure when you flip the patties, to baste again.
While the patties are cooking, start cooking off your bacon, until your desired doneness. Somewhere between 8-15 minutes.
When the patties are just about done, lay your slices of cheese on top of the patties just long enough to melt.
Assemble your burger bun with a little bit of mayo (or whatever condiment you like) and place the beef patty on top, then sliced bacon, tomato, lettuce, and the top of the burger bun. Voila, dinner is served!
